Below is the second of the two second prize winners. Like many Brits, Darren Saunders followed her love around the world. But unlike the vast majority of Brits who move to be with their partner, she came up with some pretty innovative solutions to get round immigration regulations. This is an interesting comparison with many of the frustrations that people coming to join partners in the UK often face. Legislation to manage migration means that while for some Brits, emigration means huge opportunities, for others it might require a certain degree of compromise, at least initially.
“Although I had lived abroad before (total of 2 and a half years in France in my teens and early 20s) I had decided I didn't want to live abroad again. I loved France and had had a great time there, but I never 'cracked' life there completely. I spoke French, I had French friends, but nothing to compare to my long-term friends and family in the UK. I always felt like I was managing and felt proud of my achievements in the language, but I wasn't always entirely happy.
When I was 34 (4 years ago) I met a friend of a friend at a wedding. He worked for a bank and was based in Hong Kong. After managing the long-distance relationship for a while (I was living and working in London), I finally took the plunge and moved to be with him. By this time he'd been reposted to San Francisco so I moved to the USA with him. It was pretty out of character for me to do something so rash and I'd only known him for 8 months.
It was a huge change to move so far away with no visa and therefore right to stay in the States. On top of getting to know each other properly, I had to contend with not being able to work and not even being able to stay in the country for longer than 3 months. After a year I applied for a longer term tourist visa while back in the UK during one of my enforced trips home. In post 9/11 paranoia, I was turned down and as a result was not allowed into the country at all. The advice from the US embassy was to 'get married'. A month later we were in a registry office in Scotland. My then husband returned immediately to San Francisco to work. I then waited the 6 weeks it took for my now spouse's visa to come through. It did and I arrived in San Francisco now with the right to stay and work. But to get the right to work meant another lengthy application process. I finally received the approval and 3 weeks later Alistair received a call from his boss to say he was being moved. Back to Hong Kong in less than a month. We needn't have got married at all…
I'd like to point out that I don't regret it at all! But all this highlights the woes of a 'trailing spouse'. I gave up a great career to be with Alistair and it's been incredibly difficult to keep working ever since. San Francisco accounted for the first 18 months of me not working in my life. Then a move to Hong Kong and you have to start all over again. Building contacts, finding friends, working out how people operate etc. As Alistair is a permanent expat this is going to continue. It demands a huge amount of flexibility, optimism and determination on my part. And he has the worry of "oh no, she's not fulfilled if she's not working and I am dragging her round the world and ruining her career".
I am at last working in Hong Kong, but it has taken far longer than I'd like to admit to get it sorted. I love life here and am surprised at how much Hong Kong has to offer beyond the stereotypical images of skyscrapers and busy streets. I am sometimes embarrassed and annoyed by the views of many expats here who openly and vocally criticise the UK, even when many of them hardly spend any time there. Most criticisms are cliches - the weather, the government, crime, schools and healthcare. Few have experienced much of this in recent years.
I would happily move back to the UK tomorrow, but am equally happy experiencing all the other places we're sent to. There are some things that are irreplaceable about the UK. For me these are friends and family. I've made great friends here, but you simply can't replace friendships of 5, 10, 20 years standing in such a transient place as HK. Too many expats have got used to the very privileged lives they can have here and begin to believe their own hype. They feel unable to return to the UK for everything they'd give up. Most sad I think is that they often complain they have nothing to talk about with their very old friends and family as they feel they have no longer anything in common with them. What this frequently means is that their friends don't have live-in maids, glamorous club memberships, paid-for schooling and frequent holidays to exotic locations. Surely their friendships should be able to get beyond this?
Perhaps I will begin to think like that as the years pass. I sincerely hope not. On my trips home I can't spend enough time seeing friends and family and my only frustration is that the more time I spend with them, the more I realise what I am missing out on by not seeing them more often. I can see why some people in the UK could begin to view their overseas friends differently as time passes.
There can be something inherently very selfish about expats views. Perhaps too long spent in environments where they are still treated with a degree of respect you'd be unlikely to find in Europe or the west. With money you can get what you want here and people view the UK as somewhere where your standard of living can only decrease. Particularly for people with several children, they frequently say how they could "never" go back to the UK as they couldn't afford the schooling. They would not even consider sending their kids to a state school after sending their kids to the private English schools here (paid for by their employer).
I might be sounding rather too disapproving here. Overall this is a great place, but I remain very protective about the UK. I still love it and the people. It has its bad sides for sure, but no more than anywhere else.”